Shape of My Heart

[lotusk]

Title: Shape of My Heart
Author: lattelotus
Betas: daestruct, exollent
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jongin / Kyungsoo
Length: 40k
Summary: Jongin is an assassin who leads a quiet, isolated life until his terrified neighbor Kyungsoo forces his way into his apartment and into his desolate heart.
Genre: Romance, mild angst, action
Warnings: guns, mild violence, blood, bullet wounds, murder (mentioned), outdoor sex, minor character death, language, kidnapping

Notes: Written as part of the Exordium Challenge 2015. This fic is inspired by Luc Besson’s Léon: The Professional and the title is derived from the movie's theme song, Shape of My Heart.


He'd usually be sitting on a perch, looking bored, jaded and done with life. More often than not, he'd have a smoldering cigarette between his fingers and translucent mauve shadows beneath his large, moody eyes. Electric red hair with a brutal black undercut. Black helix piercings along his cartilage and seething tattoos on his pale forearms—

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/zeroseven_/]

okay i admit that at first it was really hard for me to see how why where when kyungsoo and jongin fell for each other - the whole only knowing each other for two days was repeated a few times and it really jarred me because, honestly. he's an assassin. he's a kid. two days. HOW but then it's like. kyungsoo would have seen jongin walk in and out of his apartment and the building multiple times over the three months. he would have seen a guy, pretty attractive, tall, tanned, slim, built, and he would have been intimidating, if not for the fact that he would always be trying to do the opposite - trying to blend in, blend out totally, never looking up, never looking around, never making eye contact. honestly, if jongin weren't attractive, kyungsoo would prolly thought he had a psycho on his hands but that's not important, the important thing is that if i were kyungsoo, i would be intrigued too. because with beautiful people, they're meant to stand out, be out there, be, you know, attracting attention - but then there's this hella attractive guy that's trying to do the exact opposite? hell yeah i'll be all up in that trying to figure out the story behind it. and jongin, yeah sure he's an assassin and prolly shouldn't have feelings but the fact is, he does. he feels regret and guilt for each killing, even if the person was a criminal douchebag. the fact that he has these feelings yet was subject to years and years of training to mask those feelings, talk to no one, trust no one, sleep with your eyes open, always be prepared - that would have to take its toll on him. so much so that when some punk kid with a tryhard undercut and dumb red hair and even dumber tattoos with a cancer stick between his stupid fingers talks to him, it must have planted a seed in his heart. human contact. i mean, jongin doesn't even have human contact with the people he's assigned to kill because they are supposed to do long range killing! having just "once in a while" contact with minseok and baek? sporadic texts from baek? fuck that! no wonder no wonder when jongin realizes kyungsoo has been watching, has always been watching and seeing, really seeing jongin, that jongin is all over that shit. i would be too! it's like being the invisible man! only that jongin never wanted to be an invisible man, or rather, he doesn't want to be the invisible man anymore even though he doesn't realize it yet/doesn't know anything out of being an invisible man - but then suddenly there's kid, kinda attractive in punkass way, with an intricate tattoo that makes so sense but so intriguing, that not only spots the invisible man, but deems him worthy of speaking to and sharing random anecdotes??? i totally did not get it at first, but it makes so much sense now.

and all that feeds into the whole, how the hell did jongin so easily open up to kyungsoo. because honestly anyone would be dying to share with someone. like, you can't honestly go around with feelings and kill people for a living without having some demons in your head that are screaming to be let out, to be shared. and what better person to share with than the person who sees you even when you were trying not to be seen? and of course it doesn't hurt that this person is genuinely interested in you and your life and the reasons why you lead your life a certain way, and wait he also asks questions like his life depended on it. LIKE?!!>!!??!?! IT All makes perfect sense!!!!!!!

[http://users.livejournal.com/zeroseven_/]

and i lied about the dumb tattoos of course i did bloody hell brought a fucking tear to my eye what a brat that asshole kyungsoo HOW COULD YOU make your parents slog out designing and painting the mural then making them paint over it in teal a mere two years later TEAL ISNT EVEN AN APPROPRIATE COLOR FOR A WALL okay no that isn't true either teal is a great color BUT I AM TRYING TO MAKE A POINT HERE and that is that baby kyungsoo was an asshole but i'm glad that he at least /knows/ he was a spoilt little brat and made the brave and poignant decision to get it tattooed on him. it's like the mural that could have been IF YOU DIDNT CHANGE YOUR MIND YOU SPOILT LITTLE BOY i sound angry but i'm not angry i'm just upset because he could've had it all /sobs

idk what i'm saying anymore so that's a good sign to stop saying things now.

thank you for writing and sharing this!!!

[lotusk]

Thank you so much for your wonderful comment ;;;; it really means so much to me you have no idea. As for Kaisoo and the short amount of time they had to fall for each other--it wasn't actually all that sudden. They'd been having short exchanges for months and seeing each other a few times a week. And even though Jongin tried to freeze kyungsoo out the whole time, kyungsoo persistently interacted with him. Jongin, in his own way was also falling for kyungsoo in the sense that he broke away from his usual pattern. He was overdue to move out of his apartment because he couldn't bear to give up kyungsoo. And when they actually had to spent time confined with each other, it's a well recorded fact that fear and anxiety and having a shared traumatic experience can accelerate two people's attraction for and attachment to each other. I'm rambling but I hope this makes sense lol.

Thanks again for reading and for sharing your thoughts!!

[http://users.livejournal.com/zeroseven_/]

it makes sense!

anyways the main reason I came back was bc I totally had more to say but obviously my brain wasn't working too well last night but I wanted to say that my favorite scene! was the bit where kyungsoo scampers off to a corner to gather mathilde & her remaining soil into a bowl LIKE!!!!!!! (man I'm typing this on my iPad and autocorrect is messing with my /flow/ man) kyungsoo knew how precious mathilde was to jongin, even though jongin never made a big deal out of it but kyungsoo knew it was a big part of jongin, so even though it didn't really matter, it wasn't life or death, but kyungsoo crawled over there to do what little he could. and like, just that image was devastatingly beautiful. it was like kyungsoo was trying to keep jongin together, keep his memories together, keep his past together because that's what makes jongin jongin, y'know?

but yes! that's all I came back to say lol (that was nervous laughter ha)

[lotusk]

Omg please say as much as you want to say about my fics - I love your comments /cries/

YES! That is one of my favorite scenes - the one where Soo gathers together the remains of the pot plant. Mathilde is, in many ways, a symbol of Jongin's soul - the only fragment he ever allowed himself to nurture. So it is both his soul and an emblem of his love for his sister and his parents. Kyungsoo (and Jongin himself probably) may not know any of this specifically, but he knows instinctively, that this plant means everything to Jongin. And he knows he has to keep it safe. And sorry for rambling omgggggg

Thank you ;;;;